Every night I lie in bed The brightest colours fill my head A million dreams are keeping me awake I think of what the world could be A vision of the one I see A million dreams is all it's gonna take Oh a million dreams for the world we're gonna make.
In the twelve weeks of Michaelmas COVID gave to me, 5 rotten tests, 4 isolations, 3 nights in hospital, 2 cancelled trips and a Christmas without extended family. (Except for auntie Sophie who is in our support bubble.) If the NHS did loyalty cards we, my girls, would be platinum members.
“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t” Mary Schmich
“The cemeteries are full of indispensable men.” - Charles de Gaulle
I still love you, I just don’t like your behavior very much right now.
“Our streets are not empty, they are filled with the love and the care that we have for each other.” Queen Elizabeth II
Here’s to strong women. May we raise them. May we know them. May we be them.
To heal a mind is not an exact science, each one may require something different. To heal mine, I talked, and then kept on talking. To your dad, to grandma, to grandpa, aunty Sophie and many other friends and family all who helped to fix it slowly. I’m still getting there, I don’t know whether those anxieties will ever go away but my life is now definitely bigger than they are.
I was deflated, my body ached, I had tubes going in and a catheter at my side. At some point over the next couple of days your dad asked if I wanted a photo. I didn’t. Having a photo made it all the more real and I didn’t want to be there, all I wanted was my normal cancer free life back. If I didn’t make it through this I didn’t want any photos he took to be amongst the last photos of me that loved ones would see and if I did, I didn’t ever want reminding of how I felt lying there in that bed. I wanted to get out, I wanted to go home.
To love and be loved by you is a privilege I am eternally grateful for and each and every time you wrap your arms around me and tell me so, you give me the only confirmation I will ever need that I am Mum.